Julie Luse | Eyes Wide. Heart Deep.

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How to conquer the fear of tragedy

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b57c3ac88f7ba27aaf69bf82adc73be8I write this with a heavy heart as the news of my sweet sister in law loosing her baby hits hard. She was full term, just a week away from delivery. I don’t know if it’s coincidental that I had this blog post already written. And while this is not a post on how to overcome tragedy, just how to overcome the fear of it, it doesn’t take away the sting of when tragedy actually does come. And it doesn’t make it less painful. And it certainly doesn’t help us with our fear of future tragedy.

 So what does it mean to conquer it then? To conquer it means that it doesn’t have control over you anymore, it doesn’t steal your joy and your life any longer.

I wrote the following points because they helped me when my anxiety of the unkown, of tragic events of loosing a child or my child loosing me, wanted to overcome my mind with fear.

 This year I will be talking a lot about fear. Fear has plagued me in many areas of my life, and I no longer want to be it’s victim. I believe the glory of God is a man or woman who is fully alive and free, and I believe that fear (and it’s lies) are the thieves who come to steal our freedom and our ability to truly live.

But first, we must understand, there are different levels or categories of fears. I will be unpacking those different categories the more we talk about it this year.

But this first fear – The fear of tragedy (death, loss, storm, crisis) falls under Legitimate Fears.

And you will find this fear as pretty universal – most everyone has these same fears. Even though, they are common to us, some will struggle with this fear more than others. For some of us they can leave us crippled, they affect our level of joy and our level of living.

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 HOW TO CONQUER THE FEAR of tragedy

We can never perfectly conquer fear, it will continue to come. But I believe we can overcome fear’s grip on our lives, or we can use our fear as a tool.

If the fear of tragedy is causing anxiety and worry in your life, causing you to avoid certain things or you find it produces a certain kind of behavior in your life, then you may be missing out on the abundant life that Jesus came to give you.

 Try this…

I call it PTA (Pray, Trust and Act)

PRAY.

When I’m having those anxious thoughts (that take my breathe away or keep me up at night), the bible tells us instead of worrying to pray.

This is where you pour out all of your insecurities and fears.

This is where you vent and wrestle, even in anger, and slowly let go of “the way things should be” in your eyes.

This is where your tears cause your heart to open and for more of Him to enter.

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. –Philippians 4:6 (NIV)

 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. –1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)

TRUST.

Easier said than done. When we trust we believe that God is who He says He is. And we trust His intentions and His authorship. We trust that His story is our story, and that he owns the best version of it.

 This is where you ask yourself “what is the worst thing that could happen?”

And you let your mind linger there for a moment, you have to in order to truly face your fear.

And then you ask yourself “Is God still on the throne?”

and “If that were to happen, how would I get through it with God?”

And you take a deep breath and acknowledge that God can still bring good out of the most horrible events.

 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. –JOSHUA 1:9

 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; - Proverbs 3:5

 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. –Deuteronomy 31:8

ACT

This is where the control freak and the planner can rejoice. This is where we can examine these feelings of fear and take note of the stones that are left unturned still. Tragedy will always be uncomfortable but I can do what I can to be prepared and I can do what I can to not have regrets.

 I realize that this is where fear can be a positive thing in my life.

I can use fear to be more intentional in my life and with my people.

I can be diligent to feed my family well and take care of our health.

I can teach them certain cautions.

I can write them letters so they will never forget how much I loved them

or record the lessons I still want to teach them should I leave too soon.

I can take advantage of all this time I have now to hold the people I love and speak love to them.

I can take a hold of the adventure in my life and life with a purpose.

 After PTA there is nothing more for me to do but to let go of the fear.

I’ve faced the fear head on and consulted with God and chosen to believe truth and I’ve done all that I can do and I truly must live this life I’m blessed with and stop missing out on it.

 Because this is the woman I want to be:

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness.

She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

-Proverbs 31: 25-27

 

Oh how I desire

to be a woman

who can laugh at the days to come

instead of tremble in fear.

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Fear is my cancer

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This blog post goes under my long list of {The Things I’m Embarrassed To Talk About!}

fear is my cancerSo I have these recurring thoughts…about one of the scariest words ever.

I am deeply scared of the C word.

My friends think I’m crazy at the mention of it when I’m toiling over a pain or a health issue in my life.

For example, January of last year when I got a positive on a pregnancy test and discovered that the hormones those tests look for is the same one found in cancer patients.

“So I’m either pregnant or I have cancer. We’ll find out soon.” Umm…awkward. (I was actually pregnant)

And I joke about, even accept it at times that cancer could be the way that the Lord takes me someday – I’m sorry for that friends, Cancer is never a light-hearted issue. I guess it’s my way of dealing with this fear.

Today I grieved over the inspiring Kara Tippets (read her story here) who went to be with Jesus after a courageous battle with Cancer. She passed on March 22nd.

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We see similar stories in our social stratosphere and in the homes of our friends and family.

The details I cannot shake. “Lord, why? They didn’t get to see their babies grow up!”

This thought alone makes it hard to breathe and I become fixated on it.

Fear creeps in deeply and slowly.

I recently attended the funeral of my sweet aunt Ella. She didn’t die of cancer, she slipped on stairs. It was sad and yet beautiful at the same time – a great soul to celebrate.

In the middle of the funeral I felt something come over me. I had some strange but vivid thoughts. Disturbing thoughts.

On the way home…

Me: “Hey honey, have you ever felt like God was giving you a glimpse of how you will die?”

Hubby: “Oh yeah, for sure, I know I’ll probably die of stomach cancer or Alzheimer’s or something.”

Me: “Oh man… I mean did you ever feel like God was telling you that you’re going to die much earlier than expected?” “Do you ever have that feeling?”

Hubby: “Well maybe sometimes. But I don’t think about that. I think about dying when I’m old. It’s not worth it to worry about dying young like that, that just makes life horrible…But honey, you know everybody thinks about how they might die while sitting at a funeral, right?”

Me: “Oh…well, no. I thought it was original - a sign from God.”

I guess it’s normal to obsess over death when you watch or experience the death of others.

There is purpose in this thinking.

These thoughts can either hinder us or lead us to live greater lives.

The whole “live like you are dying” mantra. “Seize the day, it could be your last,”

It’s a kind of brokenness. It can wake us up to re-prioritizing what really matters to us.

But to be honest.

I have this interior drama queen in me. I’m not incredibly dramatic on the outside. But inside my head I day dream up all kinds of horrible scenarios.

It’s how I how I learned to deal with gripping fear and panic I had as a child. If I imagined the worst before the worst had happened to me then I thought I could beat it.

Fear was not my only issue I had as a child (I was also a closet control freak).

But I don’t think it’s the cancer that I fear. In fact, I don’t think it’s death that I fear. I think it’s the lack of control.

You see - I’ve written my future story already. I have become deeply connected with the way I think things should be.

Last summer I dropped my 2 older kids off at my moms for the weekend. As I drove off, I started to panic. (a somewhat normal procedure for me). I drive the car away and instantly start thinking bad thoughts and worse case scenarios. On the flip-side it helps me cherish how amazing my kids are and how deeply I love them (note: remember this on days when I’m burned out on mothering).

But on that drive home, I had those thoughts again – the same ones I have about cancer. And I started praying ferociously.

“Lord, please let me see my babies grow up, I want to be the one that raises them. Please Lord don’t take them from me or me from them.”

And in those moments I realize. I have no control. I am not the author of our lives.

The Lord might have written some things into our lives that I am not ok with. He’s done that before in my life. This is not a new idea. So what’s a control freak supposed to do with this knowledge?

 There’s a point where I have to tell my fear what to do.

Fear is a powerful feeling.

It can either be a thief; stealing our ability to flourish or it can be a tool, a motivating factor for change.

fear is a powerful thing
I can either possess the fear of death, trying to control it, so therefore I hardly live.

Or I can possess the fear of not truly living in which case, death is only a matter of time, but does not control me.

I’m embarrassed by these streaks of fear in my life, but there are few steps that I’ve learned to take when fear creeps in that has helped me to conquer it and life a fuller life.

 

…How To Conquer The Fear of Tragedy is tomorrow’s post. Stay tuned!

I’m going to be talking a lot about fear this year. Because this is the year I want to OVERCOME remember? I realized that there are different types of fears we all carry around with us. The Fear of Tragedy (dying, death of loved ones, natural disasters, loss, health risks, ect.) falls under the category of Legitimate Fears. I think this is human nature. Stay tuned for the other kids of fear that attempts to steal our joy and our freedom in everyday living.

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This year we OVERCOME!

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So do you do that thing where you pick one word for the year to be your guide or your theme? What word did you pick? I’m dying to know and why you picked that? And how did you choose it? Was it based on the successes or failures of the year before? Or was it more of an idealistic approach to willing a certain quality into your life?

Okay, first, I know that. it. is. MARCH! heellloo! But you need to just get used to this part of my personality. I tend to procrastinate.

And not to place the blame on 2014 - but darn! It was a hard year for me to get over.

Literally. I brought a nasty cold into 2015 that ailed me for a whole stinkin month before a smart friend of mine kindly directed me towards a doctor. I guess if you have a cold for a whole month - it’s no longer a cold - it’s an infection. Yikes!

Ok, so back to the word. (drumroll) my word for 2015 — OVERCOME!

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I actually let my children vote on it. Personally I was leaning towards CONQUER or COURAGE. But since they have a healthy obsession with Mandisa (your welcome girl, my kids chant your lyrics like everyday — and for that I want to HUG YOU! -no seriously I put that on my bucket list. realistic i know).

The funny thing is, I always am doing these crazy speeches at dinner to the tune of “this year let’s change ya’all” thinking they just have tuned me out by now. But no joke. They were buying it.

“So this means, guys, that this is the year we #OVERCOME all the things that are holdin us back from truly livin.”

“This is the year we try new things…things we’ve been afraid to do…things that we think we won’t like - but we don’t really know.”

I was on a role. I wish you could have been there. They were -eating-it-up! In my mind I couldn’t help but pride myself with my new way to get them to eat stuff they don’t like (#momoftheyear material).

But just then, my inspirational montage music playing in the background (in my head) came a halt: My 8 year old had his hand raised.

“So this means I need to go to school naked - cuz I’m afraid of that - and that would be different?”

Uhhhhh.

“Ok so let me lay some ground rules on our 2015 theme here. We are still Christians, and we still need to respect others and the rules and THE LAWS!”

oh, ok. With that I thought we were good to go.

But I have to tell ya. This word has already impacted my family. My kids really are trying new things for the sake of trying new things. They are opening their eyes to the kids around them that they see may need encouragement and were afraid to do something about before.

They walk around the house chanting “Don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer” it gets increasingly loud during times when mom has seemingly lost her mind. It’s a nice reminder. sort of.

Okay. But all jokes aside.

This word is very real for me. (this is where the post turns from lighthearted to serious face).

2014 was a roller coaster. A coaster that stopped at unbelievably high to unbelievably low - not much in the middle. Sure I could blame it on being preggars and hormone craziness and then having a baby and going through post partum depression (yep, more on that later when I get the guts to talk to you about it).

Let’s just say by Jan 31 of the this new year. I was FED UP with the after affects of 2014. I finally declared that I had been living in a state of UNWELL (physically, mentally and spiritually) for so long that is was becoming my new normal. I decided that this year, something’s got to change.

I believe Jesus in bible when He says that He came to give us LIFE and LIFE TO FULLEST!

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10 (NIV)

The thief had come for me. He was hiding under my bed.   He was camped out on my front lawn. I gave him permission.

There were times this last year where I experienced a deep joy in my life and some cool accomplishments (even though millions of women accomplish having a baby a year it is still a HUGE accomplishment). But all of it, sadly, overshadowed by this feeling of defeat and failure.

Why do we do that as humans? Fixate on the negative, in the midst of so many positives?

I don’t know the answer YET!

I’m on this journey this year to figure it out though.

This is the year I (we, if you wanna do it with me) OVERCOME.

Overcome the things that steal joy

Overcome the things that attempt to trump the truth

Overcome the fears that tangle up our feet and duct tape our mouths

Overcome the ideals of culture that teach us how to hate ourselves

Overcome the pressure to conform to the world’s idea of community with others

In this world  you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. - John 16:33 (NIV)

Are you with me? Oh please say you are! This would be so much more fun together! I don’t want to stop talking about this. I may be obsessed. I love this journey that is before us. I love it already though I don’t even know how it unfolds. Which makes it an adventure.

And you never know. I just may be able to cross this off my list by the end of the year:

#27 Give Mandisa a nice long squeeze hug! 

Here’s to the whimsy ideas that make us giggle! :)

click here to watch Mandisa’s offical Overcomer video

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You know that awkward silence…?

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If you are like me, you squirm in a small group meeting when the room grows silent. I fantasize myself something like the mysterious woman who waits until the perfect moment to speak - and when she does her listeners are captivated but that never quite happens something bubbles up inside me and I…just-have-to-say-something!

Or let’s say I haven’t seen a good friend for a long time. My mind gets overwhelmed with things to say because it’s been so long.

Where do we start? What have we missed? How can we get caught up?

And it’s like those first few moments are schizophrenic, jumping from one topic to another, tangent-city, trying to get caught up.

That’s what I’m feeling about this blog post. It’s been months. And before that, it was months. It’s like our blog-friendship (aka blogship) is severely undernourished.

 

How do I just start again?

And why did I stop?

And what have we been up to? (more on that later)

 

I’ve never been good at ice-breakers to be honest. Small talk makes me break out into an invisible rash.

I’m that awkward girl in the room when everyone is talking about weather, and I just dropped the whole “what is the meaning of life” bomb.

I’ve killed light -hearted conversation.

I’ve held onto a certain topic through interruptions like babies crying, phone calls, even someone needing to leave to no avail.

Sometimes I think I am the weirdest girl you may have ever met.

But there is this anthem inside me that sings about how we are all weird.

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So I put on my big girl pants…

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Today I feel like a little girl, trying to make it in a big world.

Like a little girl, with a great big God asking me to do big girl things and I don’t feel ready.

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But you see, HE believes in me. HE knows what I’m capable of because HE designed me. I’d be an idiot not to trust that!

But do you have feel like that?

Like God is asking you to do something that is is bigger than you? That is outside your realm of experience perhaps? To trod new territory, to take a risk and not know how it might go? To risk failure or embarrassment for the sake of the possibility of something cool happening?

If you find yourself saying “what did I get myself into here?” there’s a good chance your exactly in the right place! If you find yourself saying “Oh nooo, I’m so unworthy of a responsibility like this,” there’s a good chance your right where HE wants you. And if you find yourself saying “I’m not enough, there’s no way I can do this on my own,” than your heart is primed to be used by God!

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